Being Schooled in Korean Culture

      Imagine this: You are in Korea, enjoying a perfectly delightful meal, Korean style, which means sitting on the floor, and all of a sudden your meal is interrupted by squabbling over in the corner. You turn your head and see two or more people huddled together and it looks like they’re fighting. Fighting? Really? You look a bit more carefully and notice there are several women quarreling over something. One uses her hip and corners the other one while she hands something to the lady behind the counter.

Don’t worry, they’re not about to get into a full on brawl. They are just arguing over who should be allowed to pay the bill. That’s a real thing here. People actually fight over the honor of who pays for the meal.

          I’ve been lucky enough to be treated to countless meals by older co-teachers or when in a group. On one occasion, when I thought it was my turn to do the honoring, I managed to outsmart my co-teacher( who happens to be the same age as me) by paying for our meal while she visited the restroom.  Sometimes, it’s all about timing and preparation. On another occasion, I’ve had to quickly force my debit card on the cashier.

          In other circumstances, when my co-teacher and I run across former students of hers in restaurants, she has almost always stopped to pay for their meals without telling them. I love this game, and if I ever run across any of my students in a restaurant with their friends, I would love to do this, too. That would also require my Korean to be a little bit better, so I better work on that.

One might see a pattern here, though, right? The older individual often pays for the younger individual’s meals, though it can also depend on who does the inviting and who you're with. With my Westernized Korean friends, we often do it American style and split the bill.

          There is a situation; however, in which I had not encountered until recently and I’m still not sure what the proper etiquette is. Here’s what happened:

One day, my co-teacher and I went to downtown Gyeongju for lunch at Seoga & Cook, a restaurant known for its upscale atmosphere and more Westernized cuisine. What we hadn’t planned on, was running into a student and her mother and sister.  Eun Jin spotted us directly from the street and waved to us from the window with her sister as we walked toward the entrance.  We climbed up a couple flights of stairs to the entrance, walked in and bowed to the Eun Jin’s mother and waved to Eun Jin before choosing our own seats. After ordering our meal( one large dish of salad and grilled pork with other sides to share for 18,000 won), we relaxed into our chairs and sipped on water.

 A few moments later, Eun Jin, her sister and her mother prepared to leave, but not before her mother came over to chat with my co-teacher. I should have known what was happening as soon as my co-teacher started to show her distress signals. Eun Jin’s mother paid for our meal! All I could do was bow because I had no idea what was actually going on until she told me after the fact. Eun Jin was all grins as she and her sister pranced out of the restaurant.

          Afterward, my co-teacher sat down all flushed and bothered. “I’m not sure if it’s okay,” she said. “It would have been better if … only drinks. Then it wouldn’t have been such a burden.”  While I completely understood this sentiment, I felt like I could still play the foreigner card and just go with it. What was I going to do, anyway? It’s not like I could have a conversation in Korean with an insistent mother. It was an incredibly kind gesture, though it made us a bit uncomfortable.

          “I was going to treat you,” my co-teacher said shaking her head. After a few moments of muttering and awkward laughing, she gave in and said, “Well, enjoy!”

          And we certainly did.

Hopefully the awkwardness will fade by the time we have to face Eun Jin in August when school resumes. Though at the rate I run into students outside of school, another encounter may be sooner than I expect. In any event, I feel both humbled and honored because this is a perfect example of Korean hospitality at its finest.